It has been an amazing few weeks with wonderous lessons learned each day. I traveled alone for three days into the beautiful desert area of Sedona, Arizona, I have formed new friendships and I have allowed myself to simply breath.
It was exhilerating in Sedona to be by myself, to make my own decisions and my own mistakes (too much bubble bath in the jacuzzi); to meet new people; and to realize something that others have been telling me since I first thought of leaving my husband of 17 years. I am a strong.
Realizing my strength does not mean that I do not feel scared -- oh, I feel fear - or that I do not have many, many moments of self doubt. But the core of my being knows that I will survive and that it will be my own strength that will pull be me through.
I am also very deeply learning that I need no longer put my desires, my needs, my wants aside for a man. I need not fight for what I want. I understand that there is compromise in relationships. But I will no longer fight, argue, plead for what I want to do, be and even feel. Those days are over. I hope. No, I know. No, I hope. No, I know.
Ahhhh, I have so much more solidifying of mySELF to do. So much more of a journey. I am still too weak in my convictions to even say that I will never accept a man such as the one that I am leaving. I only know now that I am surrounding myself with people with whom I can be myself, with whom respect me and with whom I can be near and simply breath.
I believe as I get to know myself through my aloneness, my individual journeys & struggles and through my intimate relationship(s) along the way, that I will some day be confident in saying that I will never accept less than what I deserve. I will get to that point because I am strong .... and I am committed.
It was exhilerating in Sedona to be by myself, to make my own decisions and my own mistakes (too much bubble bath in the jacuzzi); to meet new people; and to realize something that others have been telling me since I first thought of leaving my husband of 17 years. I am a strong.
Realizing my strength does not mean that I do not feel scared -- oh, I feel fear - or that I do not have many, many moments of self doubt. But the core of my being knows that I will survive and that it will be my own strength that will pull be me through.
I am also very deeply learning that I need no longer put my desires, my needs, my wants aside for a man. I need not fight for what I want. I understand that there is compromise in relationships. But I will no longer fight, argue, plead for what I want to do, be and even feel. Those days are over. I hope. No, I know. No, I hope. No, I know.
Ahhhh, I have so much more solidifying of mySELF to do. So much more of a journey. I am still too weak in my convictions to even say that I will never accept a man such as the one that I am leaving. I only know now that I am surrounding myself with people with whom I can be myself, with whom respect me and with whom I can be near and simply breath.
I believe as I get to know myself through my aloneness, my individual journeys & struggles and through my intimate relationship(s) along the way, that I will some day be confident in saying that I will never accept less than what I deserve. I will get to that point because I am strong .... and I am committed.
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